So, that's what the back of "the wagon" looks like!

Well kids... not unsurprisingly, I fell of the wagon!

For a few days, I convinced myself that I hadn't acutally FALLEN OFF, but was dangling foot in the stirrup of a wild, bucking bronco. But now I see, I'm off. In the spirit of honesty, I must confess to :
More than 1 trip to Dunkin Donuts
More than 1 trip to Taco Bell
Pizza on 2 occassions
A COCA COLA Classic, that I love so much in it's original and pure form, I disallowed myself to partake as it is surely and suddenly my gateway to failure every time!

So, instead of throwing myself on the blade, I will instead try really hard to drive PAST Dunkin Donuts tomorrow and thoroughly enjoy my oatmeal, that is delicious AND nutrious (that which Dunkin Donuts cannot boast). Then, I'll eat my left over whole wheat pasta with lean beef and Ragu for lunch, and for dinner make the best curry chicken (I hope... it's new recipe) ever!

I'm not going to get too pissed at myself and rue that I lost 5 pounds in a week and a 1/2 and gained it back in a weekend. Because that's life! I mess up at work, I mess up in my relationships, I mess up when I shave and cut myself EVERY TIME, so why would I think this one thing that I've applied 99% of my efforts to over the course of 10 years all of a sudden finally start magically working out?

So, this was the rant/don't beat yourself up post that I knew was to come. Hopefully my next one is more along the lines of "Hey, I didn't have a soda this week".

On an off note, one of my clients wanted to pray for me and my stuffy nose today, and I've gotta tell you, I'm already breathing better!

Ah-ha!

So, I've heard of many former plus size people talk about their "ah-ha" moment. The moment when it all clicked for them and they knew they couldn't keep doing this. I think I might have had mine today. I had my CT scan and through the advances of modern technology, the hospital gave me my very own CD of my CT scan. I have no idea what I'm looking at in most cases, but there was one that is pretty identifiable.

So, this is my scan. My initial reaction was shock at the number and size of my fat rolls. Not a pleasant sight. But, what concerned me more was how LITTLE my skeleton seems to be. I mean, did I think I had a more substantial infrastructure since I've come to cause it to bear such a load? I was dilutted. This is terrible. My poor little body. (Never thought I'd say that).

Otherwise this week has been great. I've been hitting the gym with some of my friends from work and eating pretty well. I'm going to confess to a doughnut and today I had McDonalds (before seeing this scan!). I'm not going to make excuses. 2 indescretions in 4 days. I've done worse. I'll do better.

I have a new "strategy". Many people have asked me, "We just want you healthy. What can I do to help you?" Well, anyone whose tried to hold me accountable to a "diet" knows that I can be a raving bitch if you rub me the wrong way (disclaimer: there is a right way to encourage GOOD eating habits, not perfect eating habits), so that's never worked. Having people who don't go to the gym or workout ever telling me I need to go also doesn't work. So, this is my new idea for those who want to "help me". I read an article once about a woman who had 250 pounds to lose, and had battled it her whole life. So, starting at her current 400 lbs, her family and friends "took" a weight marker, like 390, 380, 370, etc until she reached 150 and rewarded her at their assigned marker. One person decided at 300 pounds, they would quit smoking as she'd hoped that for them for so long. Another at 270 said they would buy her a new workout outfit, another did a mani/pedi with her, another bought her the first swimsuit she'd worn in years at 200, etc. None of them were lavish or decadent, but it meant as much to her to see them succeed in their goals as herself being rewarded along the way.

So, I'll be doing this, not to aquire "things", but to know that someone is waiting on for me on the otherside, even if that's only 10 pounds away. I think my BIG reward will be when I hit 150, I'm making my husband take me on a cruise. (He doesn't know that yet, but he will!)

If you want to join in, just comment or email me (heatherambrosia@gmail.com) and hopefully by February I'll have all 18 slots filled up (I have 180 pounds to lose and setting 10 pound goals).

Thanks for your love and support so far. I know I can do it!

At least I'm not alone

It's a new year, my fridge is stocked with healthy items and the "frugality" in me doesn't want to throw away various terrible food choices, but my wiser side knows that I can't keep that crap in my house. So, it's out with the trash tomorrow.

I'm sure it's due to the many New Years resolutions, TLC is running some shows called Half on Teen and one called Half Ton Mom. I just heard the stat, "Over 2 million people in America weigh over 550 pounds." A weight loss specialist who used to weigh 650 pounds and is now down to 145 said that the hardest part of her weight when she heavy was admitting that she did over eat, that she made bad decisions, that she snacked. She said it's easy to blame it on your genes or metabolism, etc. For me due to my PCOS, it really is some of that, and that in itself is a sort of salvation. But, regardless of what jump started my path down this road, I still learned plenty of bad eating habits and many more good ones. So, one meal, one snack, one glass of water at a time. It took me 28 years to get here, so here's to 3-4 years to get back to who I never had the chance to be.